I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
