Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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