if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
