hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
