we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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