There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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