I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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