I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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