so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
