do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
