i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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