Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
