I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish i was in the wii world.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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