Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
