I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
