I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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