Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
