well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
