The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
