I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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