there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
