...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
