Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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