I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
