so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
look no pants
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
