I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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