Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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