The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
