Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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