I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
