i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
