please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
