Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
