I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Drake has all the answers
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
