I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
