Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
