I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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