Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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