I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
