Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
