dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
