he shaved USA in his pubs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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