Me too!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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