fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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