how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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