woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
