Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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