My room smells like vodka and shame
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
