sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
