So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
