wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
