She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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