Whats the glycemic index on semen?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
