I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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