I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
