Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
