Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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