I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to make out with him forever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
